do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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