She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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