i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
