I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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