I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
