i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
even my farts smell like vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
