Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
