Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
