That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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