Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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