If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
