my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
