So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
