Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
