I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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