if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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