So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
