What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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