Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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