Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I touched a dick in church today
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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