If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
