It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
