A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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