We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
