If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
