I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
