I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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