Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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