Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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