john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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