I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
