its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
