Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
