the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
