One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
