Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
