Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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