Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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