so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
