My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
