we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
