Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
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I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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