Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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