i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
