He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She needs sedatives and a leash
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
