I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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