if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
