overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
