I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize