im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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