dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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