The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
