I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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