Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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