We won't sleep together?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
