Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
