Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
