our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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