Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.