I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are