the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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