I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
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i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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