...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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