Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
